As If You'd Notice
by Yuri-san
Summary: Sirius and Remus have made trying to get (the oblivious) James to notice that they're gay into an over-complicated game of charades. SBxRL
1. Remus & Sirius vs James

A.N. Umm this is just a little one-shot about young Remus and Sirius trying to get James to realize that they're gay. Yeaaahh...  
(Ugh. I was going to put this up on Friday, but my account just unfroze. Blech)

Legal Disclaimer: This is where I tell you that I don't own HP. But I think you've already figured that out. After all, I'm writing this _fan_fiction right?

* * *

"Siri-love," said Remus as he lay tracing circles on his raven-haired lover's bare chest. 

"What Reme?" Sirius asked fondly.

"You know we have to tell James, right?"

Sirius nodded and leaned forward to kiss Remus on the forehead. "Don't you worry about that love."

"But we can't _not_ tell him, that's not right!" Remus exclaimed. Then a thought struck him. "What if," he started slowly, "what if we just , maybe, strongly hinted and James guessed for himself?"

"Hinted love?" Sirius was lost already.

"With our actions. Like, like, like," Remus gesticulated, unable to find the correct word to describe his thoughts.

"Maybe like charades Reme?" Sirius suggested.

Remus sighed in defeat. "Yes, yes I suppose. Like charades."

"Then say no more!" said Sirius as he slipped his hand into Remus's and gave it a slight squeeze. " I'll take care of it. Now, sleep love. You need your rest."

* * *

"Go... shopping.. with you?" James repeated slowly. 

"With me and Sirius." Remus confirmed.

James gave his roommate an odd look. "For what exactly? Remus we don't need any groceries. You saw to that yesterday."

((A.N. Lemme 'splain. James, Sirius and Remus have graduated from Hogwarts and live together in a small house. Peter is... elsewhere. James and Lily are engaged, but not living together for another month. Continue.))

"Clothes shopping!" Remus squealed uncharacteristically.

James stepped back a couple of steps. "Umm... Remus? You o.k. mate? I could've sworn you just squealed at me." At that moment, Sirius walked out of the bedroom and successfully diverted James's attention.

"SIRIUS! What Merlin's name are you WEARING?" What indeed. James's behavior was quite rightfully justified by Sirius's outfit. He was wearing a mini-skirt, tank top and a jacket, all of the tight black leather variety. James's jaw was somewhere near the ground. Remus, on the other hand, had a nosebleed.

Once James had his jaw situated he shouted, "I will NOT be seen in PUBLIC with YOU wearing THAT!"

"Siri-love, you should swap the micro-mini for your leather pants," said Remus. Than he slapped himself for calling Sirius "Siri-love" around James.

James, fortunately, did not catch Remus's little slip of the tongue. He was to busy sulking in the corner muttering stuff like, "world's gone insane," and, "didn't wanna see that."

Remus meanwhile, had whipped out his latest copy of _Cosmopolitan. _James looked over at Remus, shook his head and walked over to the phone ((_Yes_, the phone)). While dialing Lily's number, he asked, "'Choo readin' Remus?"

Remus answered without even looking up from his magazine. "An article on sexual techniques to please your man in bed." ((And James STILL doesn't know he's gay?))

James didn't have time to wonder about his friend's mental health, because Lily had picked up the phone.

"Hullo?"

"Hi Lils. It's me, James."

"I know, I can tell. What's wrong? You sound... agitated."

"Something's wrong with my roommates and I don't know what it is."

"Hmmm..." Lily contemplated this. "I'll be right over." Then she hung up. Seconds later, she Apparated right in front of James. After giving him a quick peck on the cheek, she walked over to Remus (who had, by now, traded _Cosmopolitan _for_ YM _and was currently reading an article on some hot young British Muggle actor). She hugged him from behind, just as Sirius popped his head out of his door.

"Can't find my pants Reme!" he called.

"Second drawer from the bottom on the left Siri!" Remus called back.

"Not there!"

"Oh, sorry! I just remembered. I hung them in your closet after we went clubbing Friday! You'd left them on your floor!"

"Oh, I see them! Thanks!"

Lily watched this exchange with raised eyebrows then whispered something to Remus. He nodded his head and continued reading. She whispered something else.

Remus set his magazine down and turned to face Lily. " No..." he replied slowly. "He's dafter than he looks, you know!"

This conversation confused James even more. "Great," he muttered, "now my fiancee has joined the crazy side."

"I'll help you, " Lily mouthed to Remus. Then she said in a sing-song voice, "R-e-e-emu-u-us? Can I paint your nails?"

"If you want," Remus said. "There's a rather nice shade of pink in the bathroom." Lily got up and skipped off to get it.

Sirius walked out of his room, this time in tight leather pants, as Lily returned with sparkly pink nail polish. "Reeemeee..." he whined. "I thought_ I_ was the only one you let paint your nails."

James picked up the telephone. "Hello? St. Mungo's?" he asked. "Yes, I think that my roommates and my fiancee have caught a magical bug. Yes I-" Lily took the phone from him and slammed it down.

"There is nothing wrong with us!" she exclaimed. "We've been trying to get you to notice that-"

"That what?" James asked, puzzled.

"We're gay," Sirius and Remus answered in unison.

James fainted.

-fin-

* * *

A.N. Sooo, love? Hate? I was thinking about_maybe _doing another chapter where Lily's pregnant and trying to get James to figure it out... but I dunno.. What do _you_ think? Review! 


	2. Lily vs James

A.N. Ummm... all of those gay stereotypes were in there on purpose. If they hadn't been... let's just say that I would have majorly dissed myself, and then been totally offended by...myself. If you get what I'm saying. If not, that's o.k. The stereotypes weren't to be mean. Believe me.A LOTof my friends are gay or bi.

Just a side note: This is six months later and Lily and James are married. It was a small wedding, so it didn't take much time to plan.

* * *

Lily was sitting at the dining room table filing her nails when James walked in. His arms were full of bags. "A little help here Lils?" he said. 

Lily jumped up and rushed to help him. Curiously, she peered inside one of the bags. "You didn't forget what I sent you for, did you?" she asked accusingly.

James looked nervous. "Ummm, groceries?"

Lily closed her eyes took a deep breath. "No, dear. I did _not_ send you out to get groceries. Which is evidently all you came back with..."

James gave his frustrated wife a sheepish grin and took a step back. "I hate to ask, but what _did_ you send me to get?"

"Chocolate! Honeydukes chocolate! " Lily yelled.

James pursed his lips and thought for a second. Lily seemed awfully irritable. Besides, why didn't she... "Lily sweetie?" he asked in an innocent tone.

Lily calmed down enough to ask, "What?"

"Why didn't _you _just go get it?" James asked. "You can Apparate just as well as I can."

Lily paused for a moment. She was just about to blurt it out, but she didn't want to give James a heart attack. What to do, what to do? How does one tell her husband that she's pregnant? Such a delicate situation...

"Honey?" James asked uncertainly. "Did you even hear me?"

"Yes," she snapped. "I did. I'm thinking."

"About?" he prompted.

"Children."

James looked confused. "Why? We were talking about chocolate and... You're acting strange Lils, are you ok?"

"No," she pouted. "I want my chocolate."

"Alright, alright," James said. "I'll go get you your chocolate. Any other requests?"

"Licorice whips and cockroach clusters." Lily said promptly. "And some pickles and ice cream while you're at it."

James eyed his wife nervously. "You're not PMSing are you?"

"Try pregnant," Lily muttered.

"What?" James asked. "I couldn't hear you."

"Never mind," Lily said. "Hurry back."

* * *

James, sweets finally purchased, decided to take a short detour at Sirius and Remus's. 

"So, let me get this straight," Remus said. "Overly irritable, demanding chocolate, and pickles amongst other odd foods, refuses to Apparate, and is NOT PMSing?"

"Right," James agreed. "So what wrong with her?"

"Is she sick?" Remus asked.

"Noooo well, she did throw up this morning, but other than that, she's fine," said James.

"She sounds pregnant to me," Sirius said. "What do you think Reme?"

"Yeah," Remus said slowly. "That was my diagnosis too..."

"No way," James breathed. "Noooo..."

"James," Sirius said. "Think about it. Lily, a normally calm individual, is suddenly irritable-"

"And she doesn't even _like_ pickles," Remus said.

"She's pregnant," Sirius and Remus said in unison.

* * *

"Lily?" James called as he set the bag of sweets (and pickles) on the counter. "Where are you?" 

"Here," Lily said as she walked out of the bedroom. "Oh, you got them!" she squealed as she threw her arms around him.

"Are you pregnant?" James asked suddenly.

Lily looked up at him and smiled wryly. "Gee, how'd you come to _that_ conclusion Sherlock?"

"Sherlock?" James asked puzzledly.

"Never mind. Muggle thing."

"Oh. Well I stopped by to see Remus and Sirius..." James trailed off.

"Ohhhh," Lily said. "Yeah, I'm pregnant."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, yeah," Lily said. "and you can have the pickles. I hate 'em."

-fin-

* * *

A.N. And the pregnant women stereotypes... Lol. Sooo? Was it any good? I just logged on to see that y'all wanted another chapter and I wrote it on the spot, so if it sucks, tell me. Review! (If you want _another _chapter, I'll need some ideas...) 


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